Winning The Battle

In my teen years especially and up until 2014 I suffered with severe body dysmorphia. I would obsess for days about my nose, my legs, my 'fat' spots. And although the last few years have been very different, whenever I come home to my parents house, I do battle with the mirror in the main bathroom. 

When you have body dysmorphic disorder you suffer with extremely negative thoughts and anxieties. You have a very distorted view about how you actually look. 

You can spend a ridiculous amount of time worrying about your physical appearance. 

You can be convinced that something so minor, is actually a massive flaw that EVERYONE is staring at.

Now I still see my flaws. I still see my extra skin from birthing 2 precious children, I still see my bloating from my I.B.S. I still see all the wrinkles and lines, and jiggles. But I don't really care. I know I exercise regularly, I eat healthy (with the exception of some treats here and there). But I'm not a fitness competitor. I'm a mom. A mom who wants to practice self care and also make sure that her girls, never struggle with self hatred. That my girls don't starve themselves, or throw up food, or do drugs to numb themselves. 

I'm a mom who wants to be an example of healthy, happy, living. I want to empower my girls and give them confidence, and teach them self love

So today after I indulged in some extra cream in my coffee and one of my moms delicious homemade granola bars, I went to the bathroom. I saw that mirror I've been fighting since I was 10. For the first time in a long time I heard my head try to mess with me. It reminded me of how I skipped my workout and how I messed up. It reminded me of my imperfections. 

But this time I was ready. I've been equipping myself for almost 3 years now how to win this fight. And THIS TIME, I politely told those thoughts and that mirror EXACTLY where they could effing stick it